🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men once more. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want completely … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear. The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.