These Phrases given by A Father That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider failure to talk amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a short trip away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."